Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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