If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
