so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
