I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
