i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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