I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
