My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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