I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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