I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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