I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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