hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
