get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
