i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
