im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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