Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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