I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
