I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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