I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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