I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I queefed so loud it echoed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
