the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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