Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
