Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
