You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
