I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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