For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
