You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
