He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
