i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
