Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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