i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
