What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize