Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
