____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
