Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let's get the cat blown out
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize