I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
