Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize