just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
