My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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