i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
