sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
