you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
