I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
