Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Randomize