Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
