Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
