His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
