69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
