i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
