i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
