I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
