how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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