Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
