1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
did i just pee glitter
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
