How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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