So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
