is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
