i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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