I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
