Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
