yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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