OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
