i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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