Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
