trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
