my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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