One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
did you just send me my own nude
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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