Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Farmville is her only friend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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