Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
