You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
