She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
