oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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