Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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