Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
