I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
