That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
