Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
