Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How external is "for external use only"?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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