let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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