Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm at about main and main street
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
