he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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