no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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