I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
