Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
