It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
