I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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