ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the day after is always just damage control
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
