Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
