I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
